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Entry tags:
- !public: general,
- + voice,
- ...well fuck,
- abandonment issues coming back,
- am not amused,
- dammit stop leaving me guys,
- dammit stop taking my bff away,
- hiding shit from everyone,
- i hate you animus,
- i will follow through with this,
- just a little lonely,
- just fu adstring,
- kakashi is better than oro,
- motherfuslkjdhflkjsdfhdf,
- not gonna recover from this one,
- not tellin' you stuff,
- pretending i'm okay,
- sdkl;jflsdjf,
- training tiems,
- vague post is vague,
- wtf is this shit,
- y u do dis?,
- ✉ alphonse elric,
- ✉ haruno sakura,
- ✉ hatake kakashi,
- ✉ hitsugaya toushirou,
- ✉ tsunade,
- ✉ uchiha itachi,
- ✉ uchiha izuna,
- ✉ vincent valentine
六十七; 「voice」
[His voice is hard, and sharp. It doesn't sound as if he's leaving room for argument.]
Kakashi.
That training.
Kakashi.
That training.
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[Oh look. His little pattern of hatred for him is starting to trickle back into him while he's pissed. Oopsie. :x]
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[Al's voice is patient, even a little warm. He flops down on his stomach with a sigh.]
Do you want to hear it?
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I was upset about Kamui... angry. Hiding it. I refused to talk, I refused to let anyone in. Then, someone confronted me on it, and I snapped at them. I yelled at a complete stranger. Itachi was wounded and confined to bed, but he told me to come over. He told me he'd come get me himself if I didn't come.
I told him I'd deal with it...
[The corner of Al's mouth twists into the edge of an almost sardonic smirk, if that sort of expression could ever be made on Al's face, and the inflections in his voice are uncannily like Itachi's, mimicking him.]
"Of course you will deal with it, Alphonse-kun. Because for you, dealing with it is pressing everything deep down inside yourself and refusing to acknowledge that it exists."
[Al sighs, shaking his head.]
He told me... not to be afraid of my feelings. That I had them, and they were completely justified. I had a right to feel hurt, and angry, and abandoned, but I was letting it become my weakness.
When I refused to acknowledge the emotions I had, they became a button, a power over me, something that would allow me to be controlled. He told me to allow myself to hurt. I was allowing my feelings to become a weakness, by refusing to acknowledge it. If I dealt with it myself, then someone pressing those buttons wouldn't be able to make me face and brave things I hadn't already done, myself. They'll be showing you a monster you've already faced and bested.
People say "don't let it get to you" but... the trick of it is to let it get to you. That way, you'll deal with it and allow yourself to grow.
... funny, coming from him, right...? The king of denying his emotions.
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If you haven't noticed, I did let it out. I let it every fucking time they left. I did it when I thought Itachi was gone.
It doesn't fucking matter if they're just going to disappear two months later! It's been a damn re-accurance since April for fuck's sake!
I try but it doesn't even matter. So what's the goddamn point?
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I feel like that all the time.
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[Al sets his jaw, and looks back up at Sasuke, taking a shaky breath. He doesn't tell him just how much he feels that way, how many times he's given up. How sometimes he wished he could deal with the pain of someone dying rather than disappearing and coming back.]
It sucks.
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I don't know anymore.
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... you don't have to decide right now, and you can always change your mind.
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Then... have it.
[He doesn't know what training, but it's with Kakashi so it can't be worse than anything Orosnake did.]
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[Read his thread with Hitsu then. God Al you're so lazy :|]